THE LIFESTYLE DIARY

LIFESTYLE BLOG

February 07, 2020

Dealing with Depression, Anxiety, &PTSD

Let's talk about the 3 things people have the hardest time coming to terms with depression, anxiety, and PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder). Having either or all of these could really affect someone physically, mentally, and could alter their way of thinking in the most negative and horrible way. Having watched someone and personally have gone through it first hand made me realize how truly horrifying it can be to deal with. So know that you are not alone! Know there is light on the other side of the tunnel if you are willing to seek the help you need in order to overcome this battle you may be going through.

its okay

PTSD

Dealing with Depression, Anxiety, & PTSD

struggle

My Struggle

Everyone has their own personal demons and struggle to overcome a battle that may be hidden from everyone else. Never did I think I would have to admit that I to, have struggled with all three of these topics. But over time with the support of my loved ones and countless trips to therapy I have learned to accept that feeling the way that I did was okay, BUT I needed to learn that help was what I needed before things got worse. I would never allow myself to open up about the issues that were eating me on the inside and destroying my soul.

Here is my story that has taken me so long to share. A few years ago my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. All doctors, family, and even myself encouraged her to go through chemotherapy in order to ensure she would be okay and would walk out cancer free. Having practically gone through everything right beside her, since I would be the one to take her to all the doctors appointments and chemotherapy sessions I to felt as if I was also going through the same thing in a way. Chemotherapy can really physically and mentally affect someone. Having hair and weight loss, getting sick because your body is having a hard time processing the treatment, and the social anxiety you now get due to the fear of now being judged. Everything really comes into effect and my goodness do I have the upmost respect for someone who have ever gone through or is battling through any type of cancer!

Seeing and doing so many things while my mother was going through the processes really tore my soul into a million pieces. Whether it was me helping shaving her hair off after her first session of chemo, encouraging her to keep going through the chemo processes, forcing her to take her meds, and even personally putting shots in her body to help keep her immune system up EVERYTHING slowly started to affect. Having a strong front for such a long time really tired me out. But what really did it for me was seeing my mother slowly lose herself to depression and anxiety caused by the PTSD she had endured going through everything and little did I know I to was losing myself to I just didn’t come to realize it until it was to late.

After everything passed I learned to just live in survival mode and not necessarily enjoy life. Little by little those memories I had of what happened soon turned into fear and regret. That regret and fear soon turned into self blame and that blame turned into hatred.. in myself. I blamed myself for everything that happened. I blamed myself for the choices I encouraged her to take, for the things I had done to her thinking it was for the better. It wasn’t until everything started to eat me from the inside out. Guilt, grief, and pain have a strange way of twisting our way of thinking. I didn’t want to accept what was going on and seek help. I was soon deteriorating I just couldn’t see it.

So many endless and sleepless nights consisting of water falls coming down my face, screaming to my pillow, and pacing back and forth telling myself it was my fault.. that is what depression, anxiety, and PTSD can look like. It can manifest into something so powerful it makes us lose apart of ourselves it we let it. No matter how many times I was told it would be okay or how many times my family offered to talk to me about what happened and let my emotions and thoughts come out.. I could never bring myself to. Knowing I might be judged for the way I was feeling and thinking or making others afraid of what I had done to my mother, or even just thinking how people might see me after knowing I was going through a tough time just shut me down when it came to talking about the issue. I started to act as if it was all okay. I put up a front so no one could see what I was dealing with. Like the movie frozen says “Conceal, don’t feel don’t, let it show”. I started to isolate the issue and act like it never happened but boy was that a mistake. A night I would battle the demons I didn’t want to battle during the day and let me tell you those night demons are the worst to overcome. Luckily when I met my husband it truly opened my eyes to see clarity and how bad things had gotten over time. He forced me to go to therapy and seek the help that I needed to really overcome what I was dealing and overcome the battle I was fighting before it was to late.

Therapy really saved me. Seeking the help that I needed really helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. Therapy may seem like an unnecessary thing to go to but its the best in my opinion. Venting out to someone who has no idea who you are or care what race, gender, color you may be they only want one thing for you.. to help you over come those demons your battling with. They have no opinion or judgment of what you are going through they just listen without telling you what to do instead they give you advice on how to do, two very different things.

therapy

Therapy is expensive but worth it!

Therapy can be really expensive so let me pass the words of wisdom I was given by my therapist and hope it works for you the way it worked for me. The key to overcoming depression and anxiety it to accept. Accepting was one of the hardest things that kept me from moving forward. My problem was self blame. Blaming myself for everything that happened even though none of it was my fault. Anxiety causes depression, depression causes anxiety, PSTD causes all three. My point is all 3 come to play when something in your life happens that you cant move forward from. One of the best thing I ever heard came from a show called 911 Lone Star (great show I highly recommend), one of the characters said “PSTD shouldn’t be considered a disorder but an injury” that really spoke to my soul.. if you really think about it, its not really a disorder but an injury that was caused to your mind and soul. An injury that has affected your inner self in a way that has caused so much hard that it impairs your way of thinking and blinds your ability of seeing the beautiful things life has to offer. Now other may think differently but I could really relate to it, I don’t think I have a disorder but more of a self inflicted injury.. an injury to my heart and emotional state of mind. Going through everything was something I never prepare myself to go through.

My therapist to me a way to better improve myself was to talk about the negative things that were going through my mind. It was very hard to speak to someone else about my problems without coming to tears every time. My poor husband bless that amazing mans heart, he really forced me to overcome that fear.. there were countless nights I tried to explain what happened without being overcome with tears. It took DAYS to really tell him everything that was going on in my head and all the flash backs of the memories that I had remembered. Reliving your negative fear is key to overcoming and conquering that the core issue in order to move forward. My therapist encouraged me to do 5 simple tasks before going to each session

  • Write or think about 5 things that bothered you & a find a solution. EX: It’s my fault my mom go cancer. Solution: I don’t cause cancer, I was at my mothers side to be the rock she needed to overcome cancer.
  • Speak to friends and family about what your feeling and share you thoughts whether they may be negative SHARE out loud!
  • Look at any 2 positive quotes to get your day started

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  • Smile AT LEAST 5 times a day!
  • At the end of your day say 3 positive things that happened to you.

Doing these simple things everyday really helped me. Nothing will get better overnight but doing these simple tasks really helped me think less about all the negativity I wanted to think about. I can relate when you may think “therapy won’t work” “i’ll just talk to someone I know about my problems” but let me tell you, if you can take advantage of the help I highly recommend it. There were sleepless nights my husband and I had because I just wanted to talk about things but when he tried to listen I shut down not knowing why or I was to heart broken to even share when all I could do was bring tears down my face. Your loved ones can only do so much until you come to realize that they can also take so much before it starts to become to much at some point. Know that it can only take your will power to change the way you feel.

life

Enjoy the beautiful things life has to offer!

After seeing so much darkness I finally realized there was so many beautiful things that life had to offer. Instead of wanting to be rushed with negativity I wanted to spend my time enjoy the beauty of things. Having a good support system is key. My husband would always change my mind set when I decided I wanted to think negatively. The one thing that truly changed our lives was getting pregnant and having our son. Knowing I no longer had the slightest time to even think about a negative thought really changed my world for the best.

Let me just get to the point. If you feel you aren’t worth it or feel that maybe life just isn’t going your way and want to take another route that isn’t beneficial to you THERE IS HELP! Statistics showed that in 2019, 129 people died by suicide each DAY and 1.4 million people attempted suicide just last year alone. 90% of those who died by suicide had a mental health condition at the time of their death. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death! If you feel people don’t want to listen to you THEY DO trust me. I’ve thought the same thing and seeing that people do listen and things will soon go the way that it needs to, really saved my life. Know that you are surrounded by so many loved ones who are more than happy to help you heal. Its no longer about just surviving but about living! Living the best life you can will only help you give your heart and mind the support it needs to thrive.

Life is to beautiful to be thinking about negativity. Know that you are not alone if you have gone through or are currently going through something. Never be afraid to use your voice to talk about whats bothering you and the weight that you’re caring around. I truly believing you go through things only to make you stronger and learn to make you a better person inside and out. You are one of a kind. Living with depression, anxiety, and PTSD can really alter you to see the world in a black and white gloomy type of way, free and allow yourself to see everything with the happiness that life wants to offer you because I promise its full than more colors than you can imagine. Open your heart, Let go, and move forward <3.

say yes to life


My Name is Athena

Hello to everyone and thank you for taking the time to check out my blog. The world can be seen in so many different ways, I am here to show you how I interoperate the world in my eyes one blog at a time. La vida es muy corta para no disfrutar la felizidad y el amor!

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